I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think i have herpe
just one?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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