dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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