I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
