what day is it and did you see me today?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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