Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
