I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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