I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
