So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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