Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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