I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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