the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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