I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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