Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
