I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
