Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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