just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
