I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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