My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
