you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
