he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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