Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
