She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this hospital has no fireball
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
