Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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