So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
