Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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