you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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