Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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