A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
