My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
