you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
