and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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