I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
