I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
