I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
