Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
