you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
