I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
