come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
