Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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