i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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