Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
