it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
