Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
