just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
