we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
