Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize