Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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