I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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