If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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