i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
