You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
