I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
