my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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