I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
