im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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