Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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