good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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