believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize