I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
