I can tuck mytits in my pants
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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