How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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