The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
