Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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