Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
