I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
