Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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