Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize