Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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