Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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