3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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