One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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