Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
