Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
