Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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