I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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